How to Build Trust Again in a Friendship
Note: This is a guest postal service by Alaia Williams of One Organized Life
Each friend represents a world in u.s.a., a world possibly not built-in until they arrive.
Anais Nin
Friendships are incredibly important. At certain stages in our lives, friendships are everything to us – the nearly important matter in our lives. Friendships help define united states of america. Our friends can influence our choices – where nosotros live, what we eat, what nosotros purchase. Friendships grow and change every bit people come and grow. There is old maxim that says, "friends are flowers in the garden of life." Friendships need their own kind of water and soil to grow healthy and strong. The post-obit are 25 things to keep in mind to facilitate building stronger friendships.
- Cull friends wisely. You do not accept to be everyone'south friend. Choose to be friends with people who build yous up, not tear you down. Choose friends who inspire yous and welcome yous, not alienate and insult y'all. You lot can't choose the family you are born into, only you can cull your friends.
- Listen. Listen closely to what the other person is saying. Allow that person know that you hear them. Ask clarifying questions. Summarize what you've heard. Though helpful, it does not always have to be through words. Eye contact and torso language are as well of import ways of showing someone you are listening.
- Respond carefully. Think before yous speak – particularly if you are aroused. Sometimes, taking a moment to recollect near what you lot say earlier you lot beginning blurting things out volition spare injure feelings and hobbling pride. Likewise, when friends feel like it is okay to exist themselves effectually you, they trust you. Cull your words with care.
- Avoid consistently giving communication or trying to ready all of your friend'south problems. By all means, if a friend asks for your advice, give information technology. They might want you to proofread an of import email earlier it is sent out. Maybe they are struggling with a human relationship. Peradventure life is throwing them a bend ball and they need your back up or insight. Don't wiggle your style into every attribute of your friend'south life, telling them how to be the star of their own show. Give them room to process things and make their ain decisions.
- Play fair. Avoid trying to one-up your friends. Eventually your friends won't want to play with you anymore.
- Be authentic. Be yourself. Be honest. Avoid putting up a façade. We all test our relationships past throwing something out at that place most our truthful nature. We then hibernate behind a corner, head peeking out, waiting for the response. If someone tin't accept y'all for who y'all are, developing a relationship with them volition be hard. Don't shortchange yourself by denying your beliefs, values, and point of view, for the sake of fitting in. You won't be doing anyone any favors.
- Communicate openly and honestly. Developing communication with a person can take fourth dimension – and trust! Enquire your friends what you can do for them. Share what you take to offer. Don't be afraid to permit people know what you need. Share what is necessary, merely don't dominate chat. When a trouble arises, work through information technology together.
- Accept your friends for who they are. On your search for friends who can have your authentic cocky, keep in mind – other people are looking for the same affair. Nosotros all want people who dear u.s. for who nosotros are.
- Respect their choices. It is okay to disagree. If your friend decides to make a move when yous recollect standing still is the right affair to do, let them do their thing. If you've given your advice and your friend sees things differently, pace bated. What your friend is doing might exist right for their life but not yours. They might be making a mistake, but if it doesn't impale them, maim them, or leave them in a coma, hopefully they can larn from the experience. And, if it will kill them, lock them in a cupboard and don't let them out until they've forgotten why y'all trapped them in there in the commencement place.
- Exist the kind of friend y'all desire others to be for you. You want friends who are honest, kind, compassionate, fair, not judgmental, authentic, and intelligent. Exist that person beginning and you'll be more likely to attract that kind of friend into your life.
- Be empathetic. Trying to understand things from your friend's indicate of view can help you communicate and empathize each other better.
- Give compliments. Show beloved for your friends by complimenting them on their good qualities or things they practise well. Has a friend done something you admire them for? Let them know!
- Express your gratitude. Permit your friends know that you value your friendship. Tell them. Write them a note. Did you lot encounter the collector's edition of their favorite movie while yous were out? Buy a re-create. Surprise your friend by taking him or her out for lunch or dinner at one of their favorite places.
- Admit and apologize. When you do something wrong, admit it. Acquire to repent. Sometimes a friend is upset, and all they desire from yous is to (genuinely) say "distressing." It shows that you lot realize your misstep, and that y'all volition hopefully not make the same fault again.
- Let get. Did a friend do something that hurt you? Have y'all talked it through? Were apologies made? Let go and move on! If you don't, you'll hang on to the transgression and it volition taint the relationship going forwards. Don't trudge up a prickly patch of your past. Try your best to make a fresh start.
- Make time for your friends. Spend fourth dimension with your friends. It might feel odd to schedule your friends on your calendar, only if you have a busy schedule, getting them in your book, is better than letting them go. Prove your friends that you lot want to be around them. Is your friend far abroad? Write them an email, chat with them via IM, telephone call them on the phone, programme a weekend get together. Making fourth dimension for your friends sends the message that they are an of import part of your life.
- Continue your promises. If you lot know you tin can't deliver something, don't promise that you volition. If y'all make a hope, practice you best to go along it. It is better to say "I don't think I tin can make it on Saturday nighttime, but lets get dejeuner adjacent week," than saying you will show upward, and then accept a different invitation or cancel at the last infinitesimal.
- Gloat what you have in common. Near friendships are started because of some common thread – a favorite sport, a beloved of books, an appreciation of fine wine, an insufferable dominate. Go season tickets to your favorite baseball game team or check out the local library book auction together side by side calendar month.
- Try new things together. What new experiences can you share with your friend? Information technology could be as uncomplicated as checking out the new local java shop, or as adventurous as bungee jumping.
- Have fun together. Friendships, similar whatsoever other relationship, can fall into a estrus sometimes – specially if all you practise with your friends is share your latest complaints every time you see each other. Shake upward the routine. Go out and exercise something fun yous both enjoy, or look at that listing of new things to try that you came up with and do one of them. It's great to take a friend you tin open upward with, just lighten the burden load and let loose – create some happy memories together.
- Seek rest in your friendship. Entering a relationship with selfish motives and being a person who takes and takes and takes until the well runs dry, is likely to lead a lonely life. Serve and back up your friends. What tin you practice for them? How can you help? What tin can you add to their life or their day to make information technology a lilliputian chip amend?
- Accept equal responsibility for the friendship. Accept turns making plans or driving beyond boondocks to encounter each other. If in that location is a problem, acknowledge your office in it and figure out, together, how to arrive right. If both people are non tending to the relationship, it volition non flourish.
- Be a cheerleader. Be encouraging. Motivate your friends. Affirmation goes a long way. If your friends aren't in your corner, who is?
- Keep personal data confidential. Equally relationships grow, information technology is common for friends to share confidential information with you. If a friend tells you a undercover it is because they trust you and believe that you will keep what they told you in the strictest of conviction. Do not betray your friend by sharing their secret stories with others. Many times a relationship has been ruined over spilled secrets.
- Unclench your fist. Friendships abound and alter. Sometimes they cease. You can change a lot in a twelvemonth. Imagine how much yous can change in 10 years. The person you were when y'all met someone is not the person you lot will always be. You grow up. You change your mind about things. Your friends will do the same. Sometimes a friend you lot've known for years volition start to play a bigger role in your life as the years laissez passer. Perhaps your lifestyles change radically and spending tons of time together but does not feel right anymore because you have fewer interests in mutual. This friend might stay in your life, just might accept less impact on and influence in information technology. That's okay. If a person is bringing yous down, hurting yous, or starts to become down a dangerous path, it is completely acceptable to end the relationship. Sometimes we struggle to hang on to a wilting relationship. Many times, it is healthier to allow get.
Alaia Williams is a Professional Organizer based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blog, 1 Organized Life, includes articles about organizing, simplicity, work/life remainder, and productivity.
Source: https://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2008/08/29/build-stronger-friendships/
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